Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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