she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I cut my penus on the lid.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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