it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
