I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize