Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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