6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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