Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
