Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize