she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
