It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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