did you get engaged???
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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