So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
