Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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