I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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