things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
