i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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