Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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