Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
