why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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