Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
