My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
