At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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