There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
