Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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