I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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