no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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