He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
