so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
