Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
youre lurking in front of me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
