i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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