nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
