my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
