did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
