your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
