angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
