Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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