rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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