She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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