I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize