some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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