I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
