I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
