Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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