Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just threw up on my dentist
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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