I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
