Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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