my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
