I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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