pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
