wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am spending my child support on dildos
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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