fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
