So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
