hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
