im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
