Screwed.edu
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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