I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
