Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
