Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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