My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
