Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
