About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize