My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
