well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
