maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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