Can i not drive my cunt home
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
