you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
